One minute you are working on that report you were supposed to do and the next minute hysteria grips you in a choke-hold. You have lost all sense of reality and you fall into an endless abyss of denial and self-loath! It feels like the worst ache you have ever come across in your life. You want to scream in pain but your vice goes mute.
Every possible failure, every possible mishap plays out in your head. You feel the ground trembling, in front of everything you love, you stand for shakes. All the dreams, hopes and ambitions that you built over the years are fading away like the castle in the waves. You can never be that person you want to be, you can never know wat it means to look at a mirror and feel content at the person staring back at you.
You want to rage quit this life. You want to end it. You think of all the reasons that makes you want to quit! Failures and mishaps! Ignorance and people stampeding over you! Insecurities and the unending sense of being inept. The battles fought inside oneself, the fake smile that is plasters on and the quintessential humorous trait which comes as a side-effect of bearing a demon inside! Sick of everything!
Sick of all the cities you will never see, sick of all the coffee that will never be finished by you, of all the songs that will mean something to someone bit not you. Sick of people and their sheer existence and non-existence! Sick of the grand plans of the universe which seem to make you the terminal miss-out or the scapegoat.
That’s it! You decide to stop it now! So during the last minutes, you close your eyes and think of that one person who you leave behind and then the words you want to tell them, your mind blurts out ”Don't quit, keep on fighting” you open your eyes with a start!
You want the person, who has stayed by your side through all the insanity that life spews at you, to never give up! You don't want to see them letting go; you don't want to see them back down from life. You want them to win. Wont it be bashful if you assume they didn't want the same for you? Wont it be double standards if you let go now?
Then at 12:23 am, by the light of the glowing laptop and the sound of your favorite band screaming “ We are the jack-o-lanterns in July setting fire to the sky” knowing that things get scattered to remind you tat they need to be unscattered by you. Only you can be the knight that slays the dragon or the heroic dragon that saves you the boy from the treacherous wizard or the wizened wizard who does magic to make children happy! In that moment of realization, you find your deliverance.
