Word Bender

                                         I shift words around and juggle them into place, wondering if it would make any meaning, wondering if it would be even close to the catastrophe I have brewing within me. Every time I seem to ink down something they are smothered with the same sense of insanity as I suffer from inside. I tried to hide them. The words started getting shrouded by denial and dipped in falsity. So, now I fall back to my insanity to bring back those days when the pages were drowned with the echoes from the place I never called the heart.
                                        Dirty inked hands, hair I let get ruffled by the wind because I am wind within too. A soul that sings fortissimo when you are an arms-length away. My mind always wanted to write your name down on a paper and let the paper drift in the wind, free as your heart, but I never got the details right, you were always hiding in the spaces I left between the letters out of habit.
                                        So, now every night I end up writing pages and screaming on dim-lit stages that You are the melancholy of the beautiful book endings that burn before you finish them. You burn the nights to day.
                                        I fill You up in the cracks and crevices of my broken existence. In the cracks you explode like you hold a million stars alive within you and I hold you in my eyes. I am the fading light up there in the forgotten window, You act like I am shining a beacon to pull you home, but the truth is without choice or regret you will always be the beacon drawing me near. As I play with words now, as I twist them in the air, set them on fire and watch them go aflame I say, "I will not promise to travel light, I travel with a baggage hard to comprehend but for you I will always make space! I will crisscross paths with a million demons again to find the spot beneath the veiled sky in the vicinity of the heart I heard miles away!" You hear every thing I
have to say and as a smile curls around your lips and kisses your eyes, You turn away and murmur "Word Bender"  
                                        

Roar

                                    Small town kid, doesn’t know the city tricks; Called in late from the bench for all the matches in the academy he plays in because he is a newbie from a deadbeat town. Called 'Spaz' because his boots are old and he sometimes seems cold.  Every time he eyed a mirror he seemed to stop and stare, not that the kid was narcissistic, he was looking at the image he was becoming. Hit after hit, rejection after rejection, he had grown accustomed to fighting his way out. The kid was all game.

                                   When he was there out in the field nothing else in the world mattered, it was the ball and the air around him. He played as if the ball at his feet was his heart beating within. When he fell, he rose up even stronger. He ran miles every morning with music in his ears. He passed people, restaurants and cafes. All was a blur to him. He saw something that was invisible to them. He kept running towards it. Sometimes he could see it slipping away, but he couldn’t see himself giving up. He accelerated behind it. He kept it in sight, it helped him take insults and kept him awake at night. This was his destiny.

                                     His alarm blared him awake, it read 4:30, it was dark outside but he couldn’t sleep anymore, he could not think of sleep now. Today is his day, today is the day he showed the world how much he loved this game, it is the day he owns the game, this beautiful game. He put on his sweatshirt from home and headed towards the academy. Everything from then on was a fast forwarded scene his mind kept shifting to the game he is going to be playing, to the chips and crosses, to his goal and to the cheer that will erupt from the crowd, to the surging sense of addiction he will feel towards the game!

                                     The referee blew the whistle for the start of the game, he snapped out of his fast-forwarded dream. He sat in the dugout, substitute he was but he could not take his eyes off the ball, could not stop formulating plans for getting the ball past the defense. He swayed impatient he wanted to be there making the play and grooving the game to his will. But he waited. Then, his time came.   

                                       His coach looked at him and said “you go in 28”. There it was the day he was waiting for. He shook his head and started warming up he denied to speak even a word. Inside he kept playing the match he lost back home again and again like he usually did before he starts to play. The hundred other ways he would have won the match, the thousand other strategies but it was the past he thought, today, he will not let that happen again. In the field he will celebrate the game that helped him survive, that gave him hope and life. Then the substitution was made.

                                            There he found it. In the centre of all the chaos, static and clashes, he found his place. His heart and mind had become one, it saw only the ball and nothing else he ran towards it. He was open ready to make the play. His team-mate passed him the ball. Then, it was a dashing with the wind. He did not see who stood before him, to him they were walls ready to be brought down now. He broke through the defense and advanced this was his day! He kept looking ahead, he didn’t notice the attack, and they stole the ball!

                                            He tumbled down but it foolish to think that he would stop! He moves on again from square one. He did it once he can do it again. He can do it and take the tumbles again and again till he got it right! So, the kid again started to move again. The minute he stole the ball again he was aflame. He was not giving the ball up this time. He slipped past the attacks and cajoled his way through the defense! There it was the moment he waited for! For years this scene he had created in his head and replayed it along with failures and mistakes the way he taught himself and pushed himself. It all came down to this, he took in a breath and crossed the ball towards the goalpost. He stood there watching the football come alive! He watched as the goalie struggled to stop his conviction, years of sacrifice and dedication. The ball was inside the line, it was safely home for him. The kid had no celebration to make. He just pointed eastwards, which was homewards for him and continued to play. He played in silence but to those who watched him he roared!          

                                                    

                                                                  

How passion was killed!

Disclaimer: The words stringed below is purely fictional, to anyone who knows the author personally and is self-obsessed enough to think the last parts of the story are about them, please get a life!

                      It is the middle of a hard day at work, which tests her Diploma in Ctrl+C and Crtl+V skills, elementary mathematical skills and formal letter writing skills from college, she realised that she was now completely different from the girl she was five years back! She was an engineer only because she didn’t want to say Bachelor in pretend you know it and google it later every time. The girl she knew or at least she pretended she knew, was undeniably passionate about the things around her. That girl flamed with passion and exuberance and that drew people near her. Now, her complete lack in passion in anything that doesn’t involve staying home and having popcorn watching breaking bad in her jammies would astound the girl she was.

Enough on the girl she was. What about the crude analysis of one day of Ms. Passionate in Ms. Don’t Sweat it’s perspective?

                        First year into college, so many dreams, making plans to change her life, to change her shy self into someone important. Sweet god of innocence. That naïve girl didn’t know important in college requires a pretty face or a know-it-all attitude and ardent efforts to prove yourself every single second. She believed being yourself and talent makes you big. Such childishness. Of course she didn’t want to go that far into being considered as important because she was too much of a rebel (yes even back then). She learned this lesson a little early compared to the other lesson which came along. God we would like to pray for her well-being after that.

                      She was always considered the strong one in the group. In any group. She was not the physical sort of herculean strong, if Hercules could take anyone’s ignorance and backstabbing like a boss and forget it and move on then she was herculean strong if not you get the picture right? As she was the pillar there she held things together. If you become this character which the author recommends personally not to, you become the person who has nowhere to go when you break. As you are the strong one your breakdowns are their shortcomings and they take it personally upon them and sometimes the whiny ones get themselves things because they can’t handle your breakdown! Yes, it does get that creepy it was a few years before she could get away from those freaks. She initially thought it was a set back and she actually choked up her life because of this.                         

                       Of course it was a while before she got over all the drama got to a point where she didn’t try anymore. She found that quiet,beautiful place called not caring. She was not bothered by anything or anyone and she was there with people who cared about her, wanted to see a smile or her face she loved them and she did her best to give them enough reasons to smile too. All the idiotic dumb jobs who were actually relying on her ability to hold chaos at bay but pretending to be friends unleashed a wave of chaos but my dear fellows she was not flustered she had already become Ms. Don’t sweat it!

                    The unnecessary passion she had on things just disappeared with the ability to stand up for her “friends” she was enjoying a dead man’s life. Work all month long, salary gets credited, go bonkers all by herself! So four years of “education” and focused selfishness killed the passionate soul that was burning by the night and shining by the day. I hope education and the gits so obsessed with themselves are proud and will continue to achieve this!    

MY ANIME (part one)

                              He is torn down to shreds it is impossible to win, he breathes hard, stands to guard his friends who are depending on him, fire raging from within "never give up on your dreams or your friends" he says rages on in battle. this can easily be translated to a scene in an anime.  this may sound cinematic the perseverance of the characters of the anime. Anime is often a misunderstood genre, it is sometimes referred to as "the cartoon with weird eyes" or even worse the "the really dirty Japanese cartoons" ( which is actually only a genre in anime). so, to clear some of the misconception here is my list of favorite anime regardless of the sub-genre! Bankai !!!!!!!
 ( in no particular order)

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST:

   All your actions have consequences in your life and the lessons learned without pain never stay with us. These are the central ideals imbued in the anime. The Elric brother have alchemy in their blood (alchemy is an art of  transformation of elements) "Equivalent exchange" was the concept revered in alchemy i.e, to make something one sacrifice something of equal value. So, to bring back their dead mother the brothers go to extend of performing forbidden alchemy. In the process, Al the younger loses himself ; Ed the elder Elric loses an arm and a leg in bringing him back and sealing his body in an armor. Ed goes on to become the youngest state alchemist and the adventures of the Elric brothers stretch across the series. t talks about the philosopher's stone which has the power to defy the basic law of equivalent exchange in alchemy. The anime consists of questioning of beliefs and answers quite a lot. the series introduces us to unforgettable characters like Colonel Mustang and the embodiment of the sins. it has all the elements of chaos and humor, definitely can be called as an must for the anime freaks(otakus).

(to be continued...)         

The girl with the clock tattoo in the vanguard

                             Again there it was that incessant nagging and tugging inside her head. She thought she can drown out those voices in her head by blaring punk rock in her ears, which did work for a while but her mind got used to it. It started ignoring the lead vocalist’s voice spewing out poetry like it was a dead man’s words! instead of the music she heard voices of different people shouting “failure!”,”loser!”,”fat”, ”worthless”, ”you think someone will fall in love with you?”  “Hate your guts”, “ugly”, “rebel”. The noise kept on amplifying until it defied all laws of physics even astronomy and filled every possible space around her. It was unbearable.

                           She thought if she could break the mirror open this image would fade and she would discover something beyond that plain ugly face and emotionless eyes but she did not succeed! A bloodied fist earned her three therapy sessions and constant vigilance from her parents. She heard people around repeatedly mention “open your heart” till they have exhausted that phrase from their reservoir! They would chant it like they know a thing about the heart. She told them “I don’t believe in the heart” they sighed giving up “maybe you are heartless” they said and left.

                            The girl in dark blue shirt and torn up jeans with a reluctant expression knew more about the heart than any of those old geysers! A heart is only worth it if is free to follow what makes it dance! If she let her heart lose, she knew it would be trouble, she knew it would return torn down to shreds. So she hid it in her darkest corner and sealed it never to be opened again. Like runes that will protect her seal, she inked herself. he first tattoo was an antique clock, she told herself “everything lasted only for a while” she screamed at her parents “quit your whining it’s just a tat” when they asked why their little had inked herself. She stayed up the whole night crying tearless, noiseless into her pillow for hurting the only two souls which cared. But she was heartless, wasn’t she?  She went on with drawing runes on her; she thought the sixth one sealed it forever.

                              It sealed her heart tight but the mind kept in ragging! Those names she was called, those sneers she pretended to ignored and those sweet words of pity which actually meant “sorry for being such a loser you ugly piece of junk pile” she learned to live with these voices screaming inside. She learned to laugh at herself. Her mind would blame every possible calamity on her inability to hold sanity! No, there is no fairy god mother; there is never a happy ending. We fight our demons till the day we decide to give up and surrender!

                              The girl in a peach shirt and a white jean adorned with tattoos, faking a smile and sporting a red streak in her hair with rock music screaming ”if I told what I was would you turn your back on me?” fought her demons standing in the vanguard.

                              She thought as she stepped into her new classroom during her freshmen year in college, a living example of vivacious purgatory, “it is not in never having demons, it is in fighting them. I’m inclusive of my demons I’m darkness and the light! I’m those insults that were thrown at me I’m the person who proved it doesn’t matter I will find a million reason s to stop and break but then I eye my antique clock which stands still on my arm, for a second all the battles feel like a step towards winning the war. Yes, the hurt was real, they did break my insides and scar my existence but I’m beyond my scars, I’m everything the world is afraid to hold and nothing like what you see in your picture books. I’m the words that will burn your mind when you perceive it. I’m the fall through infinity!”  She smiled and took her position in the vanguard another battle, another scar!